Getting divorced is hard, for the entire family. This includes in-laws, nieces and nephews, and your own children. A lot of adults have a hard enough time coming to terms with ending their marriage, so imagine how hard it is for kids to understand their changing family dynamic. The way you tell your kids you are getting divorced depends on many factors, including their ages, and maturity level. There is always the concern your children will blame themselves, try to get their parents back together, start having trouble at school, or begin engaging in socially unacceptable behavior. In truth, most times a combination of these behaviors can occur, but with a little planning it is possible to minimize the negative impact divorce has on your kids.
Some good tips to help you find a way to talk to your kids about divorce include:
- Reassure your children that the divorce is between mom and dad, and that they are in no way responsible for the dissolution of the marriage.
- Reinforce feelings of love and affection by telling your children they are loved equally by both parents, and play an important role in the family structure.
- Discuss adult issues out of the presence of your kids.
- Avoid using the kids as a bargaining tool and let them know their time with each parent will be respected.
- Reassure children that big family events, such as vacations and holidays, will be shared equally and decline to “bad mouth” your ex-spouse in front of the kids.
Once the idea of divorce settles in and a routine established, the amount of time it takes for children to adjust can be surprisingly short. And, if you are able to arrive on time to pick up and drop off for visitation, it shows your kids they remain a priority in your life. However, there are cases where one spouse is unable to fulfill their visitation schedule, or is constantly trying to make changes to plans. If you are experiencing this type of scenario, you do have rights. You and your children deserve a reliable schedule, and there are steps you can take to make sure your plans are kept. You can seek to enforce the existing order on visitation, or ask for a modification. We have helped others in these scenarios and can help you too. Taking steps to maintain a schedule you can count on shows your kids you value their needs, and helps make the transition from a single-family unit to two easier on children.
For answers to your questions about divorce, consult a qualified legal professional. Call the Deaton Law Firm in Cypress at (916) 608-8891 to schedule your appointment today.